Indecision or Greed?

Doing  some soul-searching. I have two things that I’m vacillating on just now, Thanksgiving and author swag. WHAT?!

My daughter will be off to the Navy after graduation. Thus, this is quite possibly the last Thanksgiving that we will be together as a family for we don’t know how long. Coupled with the fact that she and her beau have been together now for two years and it seems more and more like he is ‘the one’, even if she is not away at the holidays we will likely have to share her.

Since I got married a couple of decades ago, every other year is spent with one side of the family or the other for Thanksgiving and we split the December dates. We’ve tried to be fair this way. This year is different. I want her to myself. We all do. We decided as a family that it would be just us this year. One side is handling the decision well, the other has called multiple times each day with a new reason why we are being selfish and greedy, it is their last year with her too.

I have not budged on this. I’m not so sure that I am not standing alone now after the repeated calls. Is it wrong to be greedy this way? I know Thanksgiving is about family. I also know that there will come a day when we will not all be together, or that it will be more than just us. I’m struggling.

The indecision on Author swag is different, perhaps trivial even. At events I try to grab a piece of paper swag from the authors I meet; be it a book mark, rack card, or business card. I have thought for a long time now that when my daughter moves out and I get my office space back that I want to take them and wallpaper the office with them. I find each piece inspiring and motivational and love to see the different smiling faces, sayings, and covers. That’s where it gets hard. I need to find a way to make them portable.

See, I know that this is not the home I will have for much longer. I cannot bring myself to stick the pieces to the wall that I will one day leave behind. Sappy I know. Trivial, maybe. These are the markers of the blood, sweat, tears, fears, and successes of people whom I respect and admire greatly for chasing the same dream I have. I know one day that I will have more than I can possibly fit on the walls. I know too that there will be new ones that come into the scope of my vision…so am I indecisive, or just greedy that I don’t want to risk losing a single one by sticking them to the wall? Even when I really want to stick them to the wall…

I’ve thought I could put up cork and pin them all…holy crap that’s a lot of pins and I don’t really want to put holes in them. I’ve thought too that I could frame them and hang the pictures of them all…that’s a lot of frames and nails. What’s a greedy girl like me to do? I have a little time to figure it out.

For now, I’m having Thanksgiving for four and giving thanks for the gifts in my life…family, friends, and author swag.          -Sav


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