I am not easily surprised. So when many of my friends all managed to surprise me it was a big deal to me. When I first decided I was going to write a book I didn’t anyone other than my husband, not even our best and closest friends. I was afraid of what others would tell me.
My husband was very supportive and didn’t tell anyone either because that is what I wanted. He never asked why he just went with it. I couldn’t shake the fear of my friends telling me I was crazy and there was no way that I could write a book, get it published or be successful at it.
When it came time to publish I had no other choice but to tell others. I felt bad as I was getting the question ‘why didn’t you tell me?’ all the time. I became very good at avoiding the question and changing the subject.
After the initial shock everything calmed down. Nobody made a huge deal out of me writing or even said any of the things that my very over active imagination had them saying on a regular basis. They all congratulated me and life moved on.
Now that it has been over a year since I self-published my first book it is just the way that things go now. I sometimes get asked if I am working on anything new, but not with scorn, always just a friend interested in how I am doing with my writing.
My fear of what my friends would say was completely unfounded. They all just accepted this as something that I wanted to do and were supportive of me. They share in my joys and help pull me back up from my disappointments. They help promote and some of the push my books at every chance they can.
In a writer’s brain the conversations with those around us happen so much more than anyone else knows. By the time I talk to someone about something I have already had the conversation with them a dozen times with a dozen outcomes in my head. Sometimes you have to just let go and have the actual conversation because people will surprise you.
My head may always be chaos that only I would ever understand but that doesn’t take away from the insecurities and fears. I am finally starting to understand that I have to just jump in and see what really happens.